Be the Light

Today marks my third Mother’s Day since I began writing this blog. Perhaps there’s something to the “third time’s a charm” saying. As you are all aware, we recently returned from our bonding trip in Haiti, which makes THIS Mother’s Day a very different story. For at least 7 years, I have felt excluded and unworthy. This day has tended to be very trying and hard on my heart. But this time…this year…this day…it finally includes me! I can say, “Me too!” I can celebrate being a mom because it is no longer outside my reach. It’s official, everyone: I. AM. A. MOM!! (Woot Woot!)

My first ever Mother’s Day celebration started last week when I was at Old Navy scoring some $2.00 sandals for those stinking adorable little people that I just met. As I wrapped up my purchase, the cashier handed me a “Mom Card”. She said, “Oh, and here’s a $5.00 Mom Card for you to treat yourself.” It felt like the Earth stopped spinning momentarily. A MOM CARD?? I have never experienced this before! I have imagined it, envied it and dreamt about it for years. But this time wasn’t in my imagination or dreams. It ACTUALLY happened. Whoa, now.

I know that it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but it feels like a big deal to me. The only thing I can try to equate it to is something like just finding out you’re pregnant and celebrating that first Mother’s Day. You begin to see things from a very new perspective and appreciate some things more than you used to while seeing the unnecessary in others. Just like a woman changes as her pregnancy develops and after giving birth, Drew and I both experienced a complete transformation upon meeting and bonding with our kiddos. It was unexpected, to say the least, but the best part is that we got to watch each other evolve and grow over those two weeks. When we got on the plane to come home from Haiti, it felt weird and new and foreign and all too quiet. It felt like a big deal because, well, it is! 

So this year…today…THIS Mother’s Day is different. It is beautiful and hopeful and also slightly intimidating and terrifying! But I am excited and grateful for the roads that have led us here and the roads that we will continue to travel as we navigate our growing family. I woke up to a sweet card from my amazing hubby and an extremely thoughtful gift from one of my Fav. Or. Ite. stores, Spinster Sisters. As he so eloquently put it in my Papyrus card, “Ish just got real!” To accompany his sentiments was the most amazing and brilliant lavender scented candle ever created that doubles as a candle and a (soothing, calming, I need a minute for myself) lotion when melted. Need I say more??

In my previous blogs about Mother’s Day, I have written to our kids’ biological mother and I have addressed just how difficult it can be for some of us to endure the pressures of having a “Happy” day. For many of us, the constant flood of advertisements, announcements, and social media posts about just how happy we are supposed to be is salt in the wound. I pray that today, we can all find ways to celebrate something that brings happiness into our lives, regardless of what that is (even if it’s ice cream!)

For those of you who are new to this whole Mom-thing (like me) or for those who have been celebrating Mother’s Day for years, I hope you have a joyous day full of love and celebration!

For those of you who struggle with loss on this day, I pray that your heart and mind are filled with unexplainable peace, hope and strength.

For those of you who cringe at the words “Happy Mother’s Day” as I have done for many year’s past, know that you are in my thoughts and I am praying that you find your purpose and your path that can eventually fill the gaping void in your soul.

I want to leave you with this beautiful quote that greeted me as I opened my present this morning. The side of my already-amazing Spinster Sister lavender candle box, read:

Whatever road you are traveling…None are without struggle. So let today be a reminder that as long as you are living and breathing you have a flame inside you, however faint it may seem. You are a light and that very light has the ability to defy and define the darkness. 💕