LIVE! from Haiti
I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote my last blog and all that has transpired between Christmas Eve and today. What a crazy thing life can be and how full of unexpected twists and turns -that eventually lead to some incredible views, if you can just ride it out!
You may remember (if you've been on this journey with us for some time) that we originally planned on going to Haiti mid-January. We decided to postpone our trip because of some unexpected delays in the paperwork shuffle (and because the upcoming holidays would likely tack-on some more delays before homecoming). No more than a week or so later, our plans changed again after news of things that had recently unfolded at our children's orphanage (no need to get into details here-our kiddos are safe and sound). I quickly made arrangements to move to Haiti as soon as possible and after a few days freaking out about going it alone, Drew decided he would join me for three days to get us settled.
When we arrived in Haiti, we headed straight for the government office that oversees orphanages and adoptions throughout Haiti (IBESR-Social Services). In order to take our kids out of their current home and have them stay with us for the remainder of our process, we needed to inform IBESR of our plans and get written permission from their Directress to do so. After two and a half hours of witnessing part of the reason adoptions take so long in Haiti, we had our letter and were headed to pick up the kids. To keep this short and get to my main reason for writing, I'll save the ridiculousness that unfolded when we arrived to pick up the kids for an in-person chat. For simplicity's sake, we left the orphanage as a family of four and started the next chapter!
Papa left after only three days and lots of tears were shed by all. I won't lie...the next two weeks of my life felt like an eternity and each day seemed as if it would never end. My goal every day was to make it to 5:00 PM because that meant bath, dinner, and bed soon after. Although, I must say sleep didn't offer much relief or come very easily with all their thrashing, coughing, and drowsy cries in the night. With each day, though, I could see slight improvements and it encouraged me to get up and do it all again. Thank God for Rocky, Meliana, and Daniella at On a Hill Guesthouse and Aunt Kelly for the fun visit. They all kept me sane and helped in any way they could!
Here are some things of note from the past month:
Phrases They Know
Words They Know (*mostly Ephraim **both Ephraim and Isla)
Favorite Songs
(Preschool Circle Time)
(Daily YouTube Dance Parties)
(Guitar Time with Papa)
So fun to document all these things and be a witness to all these simple, but important moments! And yet, I've found myself contemplating two other very important things the past four weeks. Two things that, without a doubt, have been huge factors in all the amazing highlights you just read about: the ability to speak Creole and the decision to make this extended time together in Haiti a priority. While learning Creole requires a time commitment to do so and a small, worthwhile investment into the curriculum, I realize it isn't feasible for every adoptive family to stay in Haiti this long. However, if you can even manage to spend just two weeks before hopping on a plane back to the States, you must DO IT!
Learning Creole Pros
Every night I have taken time to reflect on the day's happenings (for one whole month, now) and I cannot fathom being able to do this without some knowledge of Creole (and Haitian Gloria's dictionary at the ready). If I wasn't able to speak to Ephraim and Isla, they would remain distant, unable to connect on the most basic of levels. She couldn't tell me that her tummy hurts or that she needed to blow her nose without having to rely on someone else to translate. I couldn't comfort her with my words when she got her breathing treatment or tell him he'll stay with Mama and Papa forever when he fidgeted in fear upon randomly seeing their orphanage Director at a Dr.'s Office. I wouldn't be able to understand that he is scared of the dark because he believes a demon will eat him (working on that one, still) or have them asking me how to say certain things in English (like couch, pillow, table, cup, hot sauce, etc).
I don't know how I would build trust or understanding if I couldn't speak to them. And I certainly don't know how I would uphold have any sort of behavioral expectations for them if I couldn't actually communicate with them, and they with me. Based on all my childhood development experience, the moment you let a poor behavior slide, it's burned into their minds as acceptable from there on out. I can't imagine waiting until they understand some English to correct them. Surely that lack of clear communication would foster resentment, frustration, and confusion on all fronts. And we've all three (now four, with Papa here) experienced those feelings even WITH concise and consistant communication in Creole! Yikes!!
Because we did our best to learn Creole, our expectations are clear and have been from the day we met them. Our kids already have phenomenal manners because from day one, we have required please and thank you.
I can understand what they are saying and they know that. It's comforting to them and empowering. But on the occasion that I can't quite catch it (and if no fluent speakers are around to assist), Ephraim will try to explain it to me in different words. And when all else fails, he'll hand me my Haitian Creole dictionary! Establishing that trust through speech has been HUGE! And because we continue to build on that trust, we can address their physical, emotional, and developmental needs much more readily.
They have learned to ask for something if they need it, including help, food, water, medicine, the song they'd like to hear, or the show they'd like to choose (ti komik rouj is my favorite- little comedian in red...aka Mickey Mouse!), as well as reminding me of things like brushing their teeth or taking their vitamins.
I can translate most anything I say in English to Creole or vice versa and they have started to do the same with the phrases they know. I can correct them and explain to them why something they said or did isn't okay/appropriate. All those things are pretty obvious advantages. What I didn't anticipate was the level of attachment that would form in such a short period of time. It's quite remarkable.
Learning Creole Cons
I default to Creole when I speak because it's the most efficient way to communicate with them. That said, their English may take a little longer to develop. The fact that they speak to each other in Creole will likely slow their English as well, but it may also help them retain more Creole!! Either way, their English will come along nicely once we are home simply because of immersion. And, in my book, the attachment that comes through speaking to them in Creole is much more important than learning English immediately.
Being in Haiti Pros
I was mortified to be alone in Haiti with the kids. Not for the reasons you might think either. I have never felt unsafe in Haiti because we always travel wisely and we have made fantastic connections here. I was mortified because I didn't want to be alone, away from my "normal", away from all friends and family, away from Drew, no less, missing Lola, hot showers, my bed, and any sense of familiarity as I entered into motherhood. I knew it would come with it's challenges and yet, deep down, I knew it was best. Boy was I right and I'm glad I was able to follow that gut instinct!! What a gift this has been.
I have been able to give the kids my undivided attention. I'm not concerned with cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, or the hundreds of other things that tug at our attention each and every day. I have had a sort of vacationesque entrance into motherhood and it has benefited both me and the kids tremendously. I know that if I were at home, I would feel so much more stress, anxiety, and self-induced pressure to maintain our usual sense of "normal". But being with our dear friends at their lovely guesthouse (with amazing views, food, hospitality, and service) has afforded us the chance to just BE a family without the stresses of everyday life.
We have had time to connect without the expectation of or opportunity to visit family or friends. There hasn't been the temptation to just "try" going to dinner, or the grocery store, or church because we're stir crazy at the house during our cocooning time. We've been able to establish ourselves as their parents and their sole caregivers thus far. They still stare expectantly at the white people they see here in Haiti from time to time, but I can only imagine how overwhelmed their little brains and bodies would be if we were already in America.
Familiar food has also been huge as they navigate these monumental changes. Thankfully they've also been introduced to new things like Philly cheese steaks, pizza, sweet potato chips, hummus, cheesy potato soup, garlic bread, and more.
Change, change, change. It can all be a lot to take in. New family. New place. New friends. New culture. Thankfully our kids have been able to explore and be amazed by their own culture outside the orphanage walls before they step foot into a very foreign place with foreign parents and foreign looking people. They love gazing out the window as we drive through PaP, saying 'Hi' to passers-by from the guesthouse balcony, and singing along with the Haitian songs we hear in the car.
When we leave, we'll get to reflect on our times together here. Memories have been created, moments have been captured, and our little family will always recall our adventures in Haiti with plans to create more memories here in the future.
Being in Haiti Cons
I can honestly only think of two and it's not anything that hasn't already happened or that won't happen again before or after they leave this beautiful country.
The first is the uncomfortable gawking, cat-calling, and rude gestures made to me or my friends by men when we're out in public (again, not the first or last time). I don't like my son or my daughter witnessing that or hearing those things and believing it is acceptable. Thankfully, my Creole is good enough to know what is going on and I'm able to talk with them about why they shouldn't listen to that or speak up when necessary and ask men not speak a certain way in front of my children (don't mess with mama bear, yo.)
Second is that they are often made fun of for having white parents (usually from kids passing by). I'm afraid that will just be one of the realities of our family for the rest of forever. Learning to acknowledge and accept our obvious differences while they are still around people that look like them and speak the same language feels less threatening during these crazy transitions.
Our journey has been anything but perfect. We have had our fair share of struggles, frustrations, battle-of-wills, and fits, not to mention some nasty encounters with tarantulas, cockroaches, diarrhea, parasites, vomit, and more!! But the added bonus of speaking Creole and exploring Haiti in these first few weeks has been priceless.
I don't think this Mama could be happier. Given all the challenges that come with adopting two kiddos and living away from home while diving head first into single-parenting, the progress they have made in such a short time has been nothing short of amazing. To top it all off, we finally have Papa here!!!!! His presence this past week has made our little family complete. It's crazy to think that this is our new normal. Normal didn't happen overnight and it's still surreal most times (like right now...). But I'm grateful for the front row seat we have been given to their development and growth. I'm grateful that we took the time to learn, grow, expand, and stretch our knowledge and our comfort zones for this extended stay in Haiti. And I'm grateful that Haitian Gloria has taken so much time to create a phenomenal Haitian Creole curriculum. It will forever be a blessing to our family!
We are blessed with the opportunity to share in this small sliver of Haiti with our kiddos and soon enough...possibly in the next few weeks, this short season will be over and we'll be on to a new season in Colorado (also known as WINTER)!!!
Whether we knew it or not when we came up with this crazy idea to have me move to Haiti, we wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
You may remember (if you've been on this journey with us for some time) that we originally planned on going to Haiti mid-January. We decided to postpone our trip because of some unexpected delays in the paperwork shuffle (and because the upcoming holidays would likely tack-on some more delays before homecoming). No more than a week or so later, our plans changed again after news of things that had recently unfolded at our children's orphanage (no need to get into details here-our kiddos are safe and sound). I quickly made arrangements to move to Haiti as soon as possible and after a few days freaking out about going it alone, Drew decided he would join me for three days to get us settled.
When we arrived in Haiti, we headed straight for the government office that oversees orphanages and adoptions throughout Haiti (IBESR-Social Services). In order to take our kids out of their current home and have them stay with us for the remainder of our process, we needed to inform IBESR of our plans and get written permission from their Directress to do so. After two and a half hours of witnessing part of the reason adoptions take so long in Haiti, we had our letter and were headed to pick up the kids. To keep this short and get to my main reason for writing, I'll save the ridiculousness that unfolded when we arrived to pick up the kids for an in-person chat. For simplicity's sake, we left the orphanage as a family of four and started the next chapter!Papa left after only three days and lots of tears were shed by all. I won't lie...the next two weeks of my life felt like an eternity and each day seemed as if it would never end. My goal every day was to make it to 5:00 PM because that meant bath, dinner, and bed soon after. Although, I must say sleep didn't offer much relief or come very easily with all their thrashing, coughing, and drowsy cries in the night. With each day, though, I could see slight improvements and it encouraged me to get up and do it all again. Thank God for Rocky, Meliana, and Daniella at On a Hill Guesthouse and Aunt Kelly for the fun visit. They all kept me sane and helped in any way they could!
Here are some things of note from the past month:
- Drew took his first moto ride to the grocery store.
- Isla told Ephraim that Satan was going to bring her a lollipop (?) Oy.
- Both kiddos got NEB (breathing) treatments and antibiotics for their colds and coughs.
- Mama is learning how to do Isla's hair and having lots of fun in the process.
- We have hiked up some steep roads several times to find some fantastic views.
- We like doing exercise videos on the balcony with ocean views.
- The kids have gone from being terrified of dogs to feeding Butkus (yellow lab) by hand.
- We arranged a visit with their nanny at the nearby pool since they told me several times how much they missed her.
- I have made them both pray and ask Jesus for help with good listening. Now every time before they eat, they thank Him in their prayers for helping. They also make their stuffed animals pray for help with good listening.
- Ephraim has gone from crying about schoolwork to asking for it.
- Isla learned to snap her fingers the first week we were here.
- Aunt Kelly came to visit for 10 days and gave Mama lots of relief and the kiddos lots of fun lovin.
- They love to ask for and give us hugs and kisses (a more recent development since Papa has been here).
- They really love commanding Mama and Papa to kiss each other.
- They have learned to tell us when they're hungry (which is huge!).
- We have had lots of conversations about Colorado, Papa's car, (apparently I don't drive?) why he only has a bike and not a moto(rcycle), what Aunt Kelly is doing in Colorado and much more.
- They also love our family dance party time in the mornings after breakfast.
- When they saw a picture of my brother, Sean, they started singing "Happy Birthday, Uncle Sean" since we did a video chat with him a few days ago for his birthday :)
- They recently started imaginative play with their stuffed animals and they like pretending to go to the mache (market) to buy us food.
- They also pretend to disappear under the covers to Colorado where it is "fret" (cold).
- Their latest obsession is singing and playing the guitar with Papa before bedtime and building "ti kay" (a little house/fort) on the balcony.
Phrases They Know
- May I please have some more?
- Can you please carry me?
- Can you please tie my bib?
- May I please turn on/off the light?
- I need to go potty.
- May I please have some chapstick?
- Can we go over there?
- Go get it! (the ball)
- Good Morning, Good Night
- Sit Butkus!
- Drop it!
- Stop doing that!
- What do you say?
- How are you? I am fine!
Words They Know (*mostly Ephraim **both Ephraim and Isla)
- *Ball, umbrella, butterfly, foot, hand, dinosaur, sun, balloon, water
- **Delicious, please, thank you, you're welcome, bless you (when you sneeze, cough, or make any other sort of strange sound with your nose/mouth)
Favorite Songs
(Preschool Circle Time)
- Slippery Fish
- Looking for Dracula
- Brush Your Teeth
- I am a Pizza
(Daily YouTube Dance Parties)
- This is Amazing Grace- Bethel Kids
- Watoto Children's Choir Songs
(Guitar Time with Papa)
- Papa Bondye
- Ala m Kontan
- 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul)
So fun to document all these things and be a witness to all these simple, but important moments! And yet, I've found myself contemplating two other very important things the past four weeks. Two things that, without a doubt, have been huge factors in all the amazing highlights you just read about: the ability to speak Creole and the decision to make this extended time together in Haiti a priority. While learning Creole requires a time commitment to do so and a small, worthwhile investment into the curriculum, I realize it isn't feasible for every adoptive family to stay in Haiti this long. However, if you can even manage to spend just two weeks before hopping on a plane back to the States, you must DO IT!
Learning Creole Pros
Every night I have taken time to reflect on the day's happenings (for one whole month, now) and I cannot fathom being able to do this without some knowledge of Creole (and Haitian Gloria's dictionary at the ready). If I wasn't able to speak to Ephraim and Isla, they would remain distant, unable to connect on the most basic of levels. She couldn't tell me that her tummy hurts or that she needed to blow her nose without having to rely on someone else to translate. I couldn't comfort her with my words when she got her breathing treatment or tell him he'll stay with Mama and Papa forever when he fidgeted in fear upon randomly seeing their orphanage Director at a Dr.'s Office. I wouldn't be able to understand that he is scared of the dark because he believes a demon will eat him (working on that one, still) or have them asking me how to say certain things in English (like couch, pillow, table, cup, hot sauce, etc).
I don't know how I would build trust or understanding if I couldn't speak to them. And I certainly don't know how I would uphold have any sort of behavioral expectations for them if I couldn't actually communicate with them, and they with me. Based on all my childhood development experience, the moment you let a poor behavior slide, it's burned into their minds as acceptable from there on out. I can't imagine waiting until they understand some English to correct them. Surely that lack of clear communication would foster resentment, frustration, and confusion on all fronts. And we've all three (now four, with Papa here) experienced those feelings even WITH concise and consistant communication in Creole! Yikes!!
Because we did our best to learn Creole, our expectations are clear and have been from the day we met them. Our kids already have phenomenal manners because from day one, we have required please and thank you.
I can understand what they are saying and they know that. It's comforting to them and empowering. But on the occasion that I can't quite catch it (and if no fluent speakers are around to assist), Ephraim will try to explain it to me in different words. And when all else fails, he'll hand me my Haitian Creole dictionary! Establishing that trust through speech has been HUGE! And because we continue to build on that trust, we can address their physical, emotional, and developmental needs much more readily.
They have learned to ask for something if they need it, including help, food, water, medicine, the song they'd like to hear, or the show they'd like to choose (ti komik rouj is my favorite- little comedian in red...aka Mickey Mouse!), as well as reminding me of things like brushing their teeth or taking their vitamins.
I can translate most anything I say in English to Creole or vice versa and they have started to do the same with the phrases they know. I can correct them and explain to them why something they said or did isn't okay/appropriate. All those things are pretty obvious advantages. What I didn't anticipate was the level of attachment that would form in such a short period of time. It's quite remarkable.
Learning Creole Cons
I default to Creole when I speak because it's the most efficient way to communicate with them. That said, their English may take a little longer to develop. The fact that they speak to each other in Creole will likely slow their English as well, but it may also help them retain more Creole!! Either way, their English will come along nicely once we are home simply because of immersion. And, in my book, the attachment that comes through speaking to them in Creole is much more important than learning English immediately.
Being in Haiti Pros
I have been able to give the kids my undivided attention. I'm not concerned with cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, or the hundreds of other things that tug at our attention each and every day. I have had a sort of vacationesque entrance into motherhood and it has benefited both me and the kids tremendously. I know that if I were at home, I would feel so much more stress, anxiety, and self-induced pressure to maintain our usual sense of "normal". But being with our dear friends at their lovely guesthouse (with amazing views, food, hospitality, and service) has afforded us the chance to just BE a family without the stresses of everyday life.
We have had time to connect without the expectation of or opportunity to visit family or friends. There hasn't been the temptation to just "try" going to dinner, or the grocery store, or church because we're stir crazy at the house during our cocooning time. We've been able to establish ourselves as their parents and their sole caregivers thus far. They still stare expectantly at the white people they see here in Haiti from time to time, but I can only imagine how overwhelmed their little brains and bodies would be if we were already in America.
Familiar food has also been huge as they navigate these monumental changes. Thankfully they've also been introduced to new things like Philly cheese steaks, pizza, sweet potato chips, hummus, cheesy potato soup, garlic bread, and more.
Change, change, change. It can all be a lot to take in. New family. New place. New friends. New culture. Thankfully our kids have been able to explore and be amazed by their own culture outside the orphanage walls before they step foot into a very foreign place with foreign parents and foreign looking people. They love gazing out the window as we drive through PaP, saying 'Hi' to passers-by from the guesthouse balcony, and singing along with the Haitian songs we hear in the car.
When we leave, we'll get to reflect on our times together here. Memories have been created, moments have been captured, and our little family will always recall our adventures in Haiti with plans to create more memories here in the future.
Being in Haiti Cons
I can honestly only think of two and it's not anything that hasn't already happened or that won't happen again before or after they leave this beautiful country.
The first is the uncomfortable gawking, cat-calling, and rude gestures made to me or my friends by men when we're out in public (again, not the first or last time). I don't like my son or my daughter witnessing that or hearing those things and believing it is acceptable. Thankfully, my Creole is good enough to know what is going on and I'm able to talk with them about why they shouldn't listen to that or speak up when necessary and ask men not speak a certain way in front of my children (don't mess with mama bear, yo.)
Second is that they are often made fun of for having white parents (usually from kids passing by). I'm afraid that will just be one of the realities of our family for the rest of forever. Learning to acknowledge and accept our obvious differences while they are still around people that look like them and speak the same language feels less threatening during these crazy transitions.
I don't think this Mama could be happier. Given all the challenges that come with adopting two kiddos and living away from home while diving head first into single-parenting, the progress they have made in such a short time has been nothing short of amazing. To top it all off, we finally have Papa here!!!!! His presence this past week has made our little family complete. It's crazy to think that this is our new normal. Normal didn't happen overnight and it's still surreal most times (like right now...). But I'm grateful for the front row seat we have been given to their development and growth. I'm grateful that we took the time to learn, grow, expand, and stretch our knowledge and our comfort zones for this extended stay in Haiti. And I'm grateful that Haitian Gloria has taken so much time to create a phenomenal Haitian Creole curriculum. It will forever be a blessing to our family!
We are blessed with the opportunity to share in this small sliver of Haiti with our kiddos and soon enough...possibly in the next few weeks, this short season will be over and we'll be on to a new season in Colorado (also known as WINTER)!!!
Whether we knew it or not when we came up with this crazy idea to have me move to Haiti, we wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Beautifully spoken!
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