Ready or Not
When we started this process nearly three years ago, I literally had no idea what to expect. All I knew was that every single route to adoption was hard and I was scared of having my heart broken. If you would have asked me about childhood trauma, interracial adoption, Haitian Culture, or even Haitian Creole, I can guarantee I wouldn't have had much to say. Adoption to me, three years ago, was intimidating, scary and completely focused on my desire to be a mom. I had tunnel vision that has slowly but surely expanded into the bigger picture. This very blog is a documentation of all that we have learned. Sure we still have lots more to learn and will continue to grow in tremendous ways, but my goodness, we have come a long way.
What I know to be different about today as opposed to even just last year is that we have resources... and an abundance of them. We continue to learn more and more Haitian Creole to communicate the basics with our kids and it shocks me sometimes that we'll still have to teach them English. We love Haitian food, art, and culture and have fallen in love with the country they call home. We know interracial adoption is complex and intimidating but also know that we need people in our lives for our children to look up to who look like them and who understand the importance of their Haitian culture. Childhood trauma is no longer a mystery and we have numerous places to turn in the form of blogs, support groups, books and very close friends to walk us through every step.
It's safe to say that God has certainly blessed us over the past three years. Don't get me wrong: this didn't just happen to us. We made a choice to be intentional with the time we're given and we continue to be blessed with opportunities to cross paths with incredible people. Despite the seemingly endless wait to bring our family together, I know that we have needed every second to prepare for all that lies ahead and I can't imagine it any other way. Of course, I have moments when I think about how different and difficult it will be to go from 10 years of just Drew and I to an instant family. I'm not sure there's a book with enough pages to tell you how to say "see ya later" to your independence! But we wouldn't be human if we didn't ponder the difficulty and uncertainty that change brings. Luckily it also brings adventure, discovery, growth and hope.
And on that note: This whole parenting thing is just straight crazy! Am I right? I just keep thinking how intense it is to be entrusted with these little lives for the rest of our own. Talk about pressure! Geesh.
I know that every parent feels all these feels when they're "expecting" and adoption is no exception. Excitement will typically disguise all the worries and fears of inadequacy lurking just beneath the surface as you await your little one's arrival. We can find ourselves terrified of the things we can't necessarily prepare for. For example, worrying how the world will affect them, wondering how in the world we could possibly protect them, and dreaming about how they will one day impact the world. Talk about heavy stuff. It's a lot to carry and consider each and every day for a lifetime, but apparently it's part of the gig. Ready or not!
As I have been contemplating all these gigantic thoughts, I decided that it's important for me to share them with you and be vulnerable with my village. Not just for the sake of empathy and processing today but because, one day down the road, Imay WILL need you to remind me that it's all going to be okay. To remind us that we're not alone.
A lot of people are under the impression that once our kids come home, they will be nothing but extremely grateful little humans who couldn't have ever imagined a better life for themselves. That we'll be in a world full of rainbows and butterflies and all things beautiful and sparkly will surround our new, perfect, little family. They'll learn English and love America and all their cares, concerns and hurts will be a thing of the past. Maybe in a perfect world...
The reality is that our kids have been deeply wounded already by someone that they love. We weren't able to protect them from that and it won't just disappear overnight because they live somewhere new and exciting. In fact, uprooting them from the second place they've only ever known and felt comfortable (for better or worse) will once again unsettle their already broken hearts. They have lived in want and need for the majority of their short lives and don't necessarily have a healthy view of what a parent/child relationship looks like. Childhood trauma impacts the brain's development and changes the way a brain perceives and responds. That's not to say that any of these challenges can't be addressed, corrected, or re-taught with intentional parenting. In fact, healthy attachment has already begun to form between us and the kids and we feel like we make forward strides every time we visit.
What I really want to communicate is that the only thing that is certain about our lives moving forward is unconditional love. Being a family of four in Colorado will be harder before it gets easier. We have a lot of exploring and discovering ahead of us as well as lots of teaching and re-programming. There will be lots of exciting firsts and lots of hurts yet to unravel. We may have missed a lot of the early-years' firsts, but we will certainly revel in the abundance that we get to partake in now. Those mouth agape with wonder, eyes wide open, speechless, and frozen in their tracks experiences. The honor of being there with them to share in it; the moments that you'll miss if you blink...that's what we're most excited for.
Our kids' stories are what make them who they are. It's what makes our daughter a sassy, spit fire who loves to dance and make others laugh. It's what makes our son determined, independent, and extremely thoughtful. And it is what will make them even greater humans in the future. We view our role in their lives as parents who not only love them beyond reason, but who help them see their worth and their value by helping them shape their stories and their journeys into something powerful, meaningful and unstoppable.
You see, bringing them to America is only the BEGINNING. Just like bringing a baby into the world: despite the sleepless nights, the countless arguments, the endless worrying and the difficulty of letting them grow up in an uncertain world, we can't wait to walk with them every step of the way and see what they will accomplish with the world at their fingertips.
What I know to be different about today as opposed to even just last year is that we have resources... and an abundance of them. We continue to learn more and more Haitian Creole to communicate the basics with our kids and it shocks me sometimes that we'll still have to teach them English. We love Haitian food, art, and culture and have fallen in love with the country they call home. We know interracial adoption is complex and intimidating but also know that we need people in our lives for our children to look up to who look like them and who understand the importance of their Haitian culture. Childhood trauma is no longer a mystery and we have numerous places to turn in the form of blogs, support groups, books and very close friends to walk us through every step.
It's safe to say that God has certainly blessed us over the past three years. Don't get me wrong: this didn't just happen to us. We made a choice to be intentional with the time we're given and we continue to be blessed with opportunities to cross paths with incredible people. Despite the seemingly endless wait to bring our family together, I know that we have needed every second to prepare for all that lies ahead and I can't imagine it any other way. Of course, I have moments when I think about how different and difficult it will be to go from 10 years of just Drew and I to an instant family. I'm not sure there's a book with enough pages to tell you how to say "see ya later" to your independence! But we wouldn't be human if we didn't ponder the difficulty and uncertainty that change brings. Luckily it also brings adventure, discovery, growth and hope.
And on that note: This whole parenting thing is just straight crazy! Am I right? I just keep thinking how intense it is to be entrusted with these little lives for the rest of our own. Talk about pressure! Geesh.
I know that every parent feels all these feels when they're "expecting" and adoption is no exception. Excitement will typically disguise all the worries and fears of inadequacy lurking just beneath the surface as you await your little one's arrival. We can find ourselves terrified of the things we can't necessarily prepare for. For example, worrying how the world will affect them, wondering how in the world we could possibly protect them, and dreaming about how they will one day impact the world. Talk about heavy stuff. It's a lot to carry and consider each and every day for a lifetime, but apparently it's part of the gig. Ready or not!
As I have been contemplating all these gigantic thoughts, I decided that it's important for me to share them with you and be vulnerable with my village. Not just for the sake of empathy and processing today but because, one day down the road, I
A lot of people are under the impression that once our kids come home, they will be nothing but extremely grateful little humans who couldn't have ever imagined a better life for themselves. That we'll be in a world full of rainbows and butterflies and all things beautiful and sparkly will surround our new, perfect, little family. They'll learn English and love America and all their cares, concerns and hurts will be a thing of the past. Maybe in a perfect world...
The reality is that our kids have been deeply wounded already by someone that they love. We weren't able to protect them from that and it won't just disappear overnight because they live somewhere new and exciting. In fact, uprooting them from the second place they've only ever known and felt comfortable (for better or worse) will once again unsettle their already broken hearts. They have lived in want and need for the majority of their short lives and don't necessarily have a healthy view of what a parent/child relationship looks like. Childhood trauma impacts the brain's development and changes the way a brain perceives and responds. That's not to say that any of these challenges can't be addressed, corrected, or re-taught with intentional parenting. In fact, healthy attachment has already begun to form between us and the kids and we feel like we make forward strides every time we visit.
What I really want to communicate is that the only thing that is certain about our lives moving forward is unconditional love. Being a family of four in Colorado will be harder before it gets easier. We have a lot of exploring and discovering ahead of us as well as lots of teaching and re-programming. There will be lots of exciting firsts and lots of hurts yet to unravel. We may have missed a lot of the early-years' firsts, but we will certainly revel in the abundance that we get to partake in now. Those mouth agape with wonder, eyes wide open, speechless, and frozen in their tracks experiences. The honor of being there with them to share in it; the moments that you'll miss if you blink...that's what we're most excited for.
Our kids' stories are what make them who they are. It's what makes our daughter a sassy, spit fire who loves to dance and make others laugh. It's what makes our son determined, independent, and extremely thoughtful. And it is what will make them even greater humans in the future. We view our role in their lives as parents who not only love them beyond reason, but who help them see their worth and their value by helping them shape their stories and their journeys into something powerful, meaningful and unstoppable.
You see, bringing them to America is only the BEGINNING. Just like bringing a baby into the world: despite the sleepless nights, the countless arguments, the endless worrying and the difficulty of letting them grow up in an uncertain world, we can't wait to walk with them every step of the way and see what they will accomplish with the world at their fingertips.
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