Wake Me Up
Today is National Adoption Day. This time last week, I was mulling over what my blog post inspiration would be and preparing to celebrate such a beautiful journey. I should be drawing a smiley face on my palm, taking a selfie showing my smiley face and sharing our story on social media. But I can't. Not today. Not until I wake up.
You see, since late last week, Drew and I have been in a fog: trapped in a nightmare just waiting for someone to wake us up and tell us it was all just a bad dream. We missed a phone call from our adoption agency on Thursday around lunchtime. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach was in my throat. O.M.G... Could it be? We're getting our referral!?! We're going to meet our kids!! It's HAPPENING!
I quickly returned their call and anxiously waited on hold to be transferred. Her greeting was somber and I knew instantly that the tone of this phone call was not "referral" worthy. We spent the next 9 minutes and 37 seconds receiving possibly the most disheartening information one can hear after having spent the last 15 months falling crazy in love with two little people you've never met in a different country.
Speechless. We had no words. I don't how I didn't drop the phone as I held it between Drew and I, speakerphone blasting us in the face with our current reality. How in the...? Why? What do you want from us??...only a few of the thousands of questions that continue to swim through my drowning thoughts. I still have a knot in my stomach. I don't know when it will leave.
We have known for sometime that Haiti is in the process of changing the way they match children with adoptive families. In the past, adoption agencies have had relationships with a creche (or several) in Haiti and their families are matched with children waiting at those establishments. There is a sense of connection, understanding and confidence in the management of the creche (ie. knowing the circumstances, how it is run, if the children are well cared for, etc). When we began the adoption process nearly 2 years ago, that was the understood process. When we were pre-matched with a brother and a sister on August 21st, 2015, that was the process. When our dossier entered the country in October of 2015, that was still how the system worked.
Haiti has just started implementing their new system which matches any family from any agency with any creche in the country. It's a very different model from the former but who are we to tell them what to do? As many of you know, I have worked (Drew, too) to support the Colorado Haiti Project and their 27 year partnership with rural Haiti for some time. I have so much respect for Haiti and the beautiful, resilient people. I support Haitian-led change. It's their country and they have the right to operate how they see fit.
What I don't understand is why WE are being subjected to this new process. This new model affects families with dossiers dated 2016 onward. Despite the fact that our dossier entered Haiti in October of 2015, IBESR (Haitian Social Services) has it dated January 2016 (don't ask...because I don't know).
The phone call we received (what feels like an eternity ago) was to inform us that our agency is currently fighting to have IBESR honor our 15-month-old pre-match. And not only have they said they won't honor it, but, to pour salt in the wound, we discovered that "our kiddos" have since been matched with another family from another agency (no forward progress has been made as far as we know with the other family/agency).
I don't know how my heart is still beating considering it has been ripped out of my chest. I love these kids more than I ever knew I could. We've paid for medical expenses and vaccines, had their medical records reviewed and, above all else, imagined them in our day to day for the rest of our lives.
And, go figure, I had just started letting myself get excited about planning their rooms, painting furniture, creating an Amazon wishlist for necessities we'll need and "nesting". I've waited two years to let myself finally get excited. Not two days later was my excitement put in check.
All we can tell you right now is that our agency is doing everything they can to see that our family of four is rightfully united. They are not readily accepting "no" as an answer. We have no news, yet, but we definitely could use your prayers, thoughts, good energy, etc.
This our National Adoption Day, 2016. It is raw. It is real. It is a journey we'll never take for granted. We are desperate to have our joy restored and we are clinging to belief in our God that is good and faithful. We are praying that His plan prevail and trusting that our joy will be restored. Please join us in believing that all good things will come from this, despite the sorrow and sadness we're currently surrounded by.
You see, since late last week, Drew and I have been in a fog: trapped in a nightmare just waiting for someone to wake us up and tell us it was all just a bad dream. We missed a phone call from our adoption agency on Thursday around lunchtime. My heart skipped a beat and my stomach was in my throat. O.M.G... Could it be? We're getting our referral!?! We're going to meet our kids!! It's HAPPENING!
I quickly returned their call and anxiously waited on hold to be transferred. Her greeting was somber and I knew instantly that the tone of this phone call was not "referral" worthy. We spent the next 9 minutes and 37 seconds receiving possibly the most disheartening information one can hear after having spent the last 15 months falling crazy in love with two little people you've never met in a different country.
Speechless. We had no words. I don't how I didn't drop the phone as I held it between Drew and I, speakerphone blasting us in the face with our current reality. How in the...? Why? What do you want from us??...only a few of the thousands of questions that continue to swim through my drowning thoughts. I still have a knot in my stomach. I don't know when it will leave.
We have known for sometime that Haiti is in the process of changing the way they match children with adoptive families. In the past, adoption agencies have had relationships with a creche (or several) in Haiti and their families are matched with children waiting at those establishments. There is a sense of connection, understanding and confidence in the management of the creche (ie. knowing the circumstances, how it is run, if the children are well cared for, etc). When we began the adoption process nearly 2 years ago, that was the understood process. When we were pre-matched with a brother and a sister on August 21st, 2015, that was the process. When our dossier entered the country in October of 2015, that was still how the system worked.
Haiti has just started implementing their new system which matches any family from any agency with any creche in the country. It's a very different model from the former but who are we to tell them what to do? As many of you know, I have worked (Drew, too) to support the Colorado Haiti Project and their 27 year partnership with rural Haiti for some time. I have so much respect for Haiti and the beautiful, resilient people. I support Haitian-led change. It's their country and they have the right to operate how they see fit.
What I don't understand is why WE are being subjected to this new process. This new model affects families with dossiers dated 2016 onward. Despite the fact that our dossier entered Haiti in October of 2015, IBESR (Haitian Social Services) has it dated January 2016 (don't ask...because I don't know).
The phone call we received (what feels like an eternity ago) was to inform us that our agency is currently fighting to have IBESR honor our 15-month-old pre-match. And not only have they said they won't honor it, but, to pour salt in the wound, we discovered that "our kiddos" have since been matched with another family from another agency (no forward progress has been made as far as we know with the other family/agency).
I don't know how my heart is still beating considering it has been ripped out of my chest. I love these kids more than I ever knew I could. We've paid for medical expenses and vaccines, had their medical records reviewed and, above all else, imagined them in our day to day for the rest of our lives.
And, go figure, I had just started letting myself get excited about planning their rooms, painting furniture, creating an Amazon wishlist for necessities we'll need and "nesting". I've waited two years to let myself finally get excited. Not two days later was my excitement put in check.
All we can tell you right now is that our agency is doing everything they can to see that our family of four is rightfully united. They are not readily accepting "no" as an answer. We have no news, yet, but we definitely could use your prayers, thoughts, good energy, etc.
This our National Adoption Day, 2016. It is raw. It is real. It is a journey we'll never take for granted. We are desperate to have our joy restored and we are clinging to belief in our God that is good and faithful. We are praying that His plan prevail and trusting that our joy will be restored. Please join us in believing that all good things will come from this, despite the sorrow and sadness we're currently surrounded by.
Comments
Post a Comment